Photo by Reinaldo Kevin on Unsplash

Your quiz responses suggest that you have an ANXIOUS friendship attachment style.

Have you ever been told you are “needy” or “clingy” or “controlling” as a friend?

Anxious friends feel a stronger need for emotional intimacy in their friendships. You may require regular reassurance from friends that they care about you, aren’t mad at you, and won’t close the door on you. You may feel jealous or threatened by a friend developing a new interest, or starting another friendship or relationship.

This type of friendship attachment style can create internal and interpersonal problems, as behaviors stemming from your insecurities about relationships can be interpreted by others as controlling or overly demanding.

Sound familiar? Here are some suggestions for next steps:

  • Make an honest list of your needs in a friendship. Try to accept and not judge yourself for having these needs.
  • Reflect on whether existing and/or new friends can realistically meet your needs. If not, acknowledge that this may simply by a matter of incompatibility, and not a reflection on you or your self-worth.
  • Give “calm” friendships a chance. The lack of drama and/or high emotions might feel boring to you at first, but stay the course and give yourself time to learn about the advantages of secure friendships.

Source: Levine, A. & Heller, R. Attached (2010). New York, NY: Penguin.

Do your friendships need a tune up?

Join Dr. Davis’ signature online program, Adult Friendship Clinic.

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