FEARFUL

Photo by Evelyn Semenyuk on Unsplash

Your quiz responses suggest that you have a FEARFUL friendship attachment style. 

Have you ever been told you “send mixed signals” or are “confusing”?

Fearful friends want quality friendships and other meaningful relationships, but fear them at the same time. They understand the value of relationships, but also feel threatened by closeness, perceiving it as unsafe.

This type of friendship attachment style makes it difficult for people to get close to you, and for you to get close to them – even if, closeness is something you consciously desire.

Sound familiar? Here are some suggestions for next steps:

  • Get honest with yourself about your needs in a friendship. Try to accept and not judge yourself for having these needs.
  • Recognize and challenge your tendency to view yourself negatively. Make a list of the things you like and love about yourself. Remind yourself on a consistent basis of the reasons why someone would want you as their friend.
  • Recognize and challenge your tendency to interpret others’ behavior negatively. Unless your friends give you concrete evidence to the contrary, assume they have positive intentions.
  • Try to focus on mutual collaboration and meeting each other’s needs in your friendships. Reflect on how you can give support to your friends, and how you would like to receive support from them.

Source: Levine, A. & Heller, R. Attached (2010). New York, NY: Penguin.

Do your friendships need a tune up?

Join Dr. Davis’ signature online program, Adult Friendship Clinic.

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