Distress Tolerance Skills for Healthier Relationships

If you identify as a person with an insecure (i.e. anxious, avoidant, or fearful) attachment style and have decided to begin your healing journey, you’re going to encounter some challenging emotions. Change is never easy, even when it’s positive, and it’s normal to feel overwhelmed, defeated, or just plan uncomfortable as you heal your attachmentContinue reading “Distress Tolerance Skills for Healthier Relationships”

How to set & hold a boundary.

One of the most frequent issues that come up in my work with therapy clients is boundaries: How to recognize when boundaries are needed, how to set them, maintain them, not feel guilty for having them, and the list goes on! Boundaries are the limits and rules you set for yourself within relationships. In orderContinue reading “How to set & hold a boundary.”

Are you trying too hard in your friendships?

Today I want to talk about the problem of trying too hard to “win” someone’s friendship. Have you ever really wanted a friendship with a specific person? If the person in question also wants your friendship, mutual interest will hopefully bring you together without much fuss. But what about when your desire to create aContinue reading “Are you trying too hard in your friendships?”

You Can Choose Your Friends (Yes, Really!)

When determining whether to pursue a romantic relationship, people often tend towards vigilance, looking out for signs of “red flags,” “settling” and indicators of incompatibility or “deal breakers.” When it comes to friendship, however, many of us take a much more relaxed approach. We know it’s important to choose our friends wisely. My grandmother alwaysContinue reading “You Can Choose Your Friends (Yes, Really!)”

Secure Attachment in Friendship

There are four relationship attachment styles: Anxious, Avoidant, Fearful, and Secure. In my last three posts, I discussed how anxious, avoidant, and fearful attachment styles can show up in the context of friendship. In today’s post, I’ll discuss the secure attachment style in friendship. Secure Attachment & Friendship: Secure friends are comfortable being emotionally intimateContinue reading “Secure Attachment in Friendship”

Fearful Attachment in Friendship

There are four relationship attachment styles: Anxious, Avoidant, Fearful, and Secure. In my last two posts, I discussed anxious attachment and avoidant attachment styles in friendship. In today’s post, I’ll discuss the fearful attachment style and how it show up within the context of friendship. Fearful Attachment in Friendship: Have you ever been told youContinue reading “Fearful Attachment in Friendship”

Avoidant Attachment in Friendship

There are four relationship attachment styles: Anxious, Avoidant, Fearful, and Secure In my last post, I wrote about anxious attachment in friendship. This week, I’ll discuss the avoidant attachment style and how it manifests within the context of friendship. Avoidant Attachment in Friendship: Have you ever been told you have “a wall up” been calledContinue reading “Avoidant Attachment in Friendship”

Anxious Attachment in Friendship

There are four relationship attachment styles: Anxious, Avoidant, Fearful, and Secure. Over the next few weeks, I am going to discuss the four different attachment styles, starting with Anxious attachment, and discuss how each attachment style manifests, specifically within the context of friendship. Anxious Attachment in Friendship: Have you ever been told that you areContinue reading “Anxious Attachment in Friendship”

Have You Connected With Someone Today?

I live in the San Francisco Bay Area, and as you may know, my hometown has been ordered to shelter-in-place until at least April 7. We’re the first in the country to do this. I’m not going to lie. This is a scary and uncertain time. Over the past week, I’ve observed (and experienced) intense fear, sadnessContinue reading “Have You Connected With Someone Today?”

“Sometimey” Friends

What are we to do about “sometimey” friends? I learned the term “sometimey friends” from my grandmother many years ago. The definition is pretty self-explanatory, but for the sake of this blog post: A sometimey friend is a friend who is…sometimes your friend and…sometimes not. A friend who sometimes wants to hang out and sometimesContinue reading ““Sometimey” Friends”