You Can Choose Who You Want to Be Friends With (Yes, Really.)

When determining whether to pursue a romantic relationship, people often tend towards vigilance, looking out for signs of “red flags,” “settling” and indicators of incompatibility or “deal breakers.” When it comes to friendship, however, many of us take a much more relaxed approach. We know it’s important to choose our friends wisely. My grandmother alwaysContinue reading “You Can Choose Who You Want to Be Friends With (Yes, Really.)”

Secure Attachment in Friendships

There are four relationship attachment styles: Anxious, Avoidant, Fearful, and Secure. In my last three posts, I discussed how anxious, avoidant, and fearful attachment styles can show up in the context of friendship. In today’s post, I’ll discuss the secure attachment style in friendship. Secure Attachment & Friendship: Secure friends are comfortable being emotionally intimateContinue reading “Secure Attachment in Friendships”

Fearful Attachment in Friendships

There are four relationship attachment styles: Anxious, Avoidant, Fearful, and Secure. In my last two posts, I discussed anxious attachment and avoidant attachment styles in friendship. In today’s post, I’ll discuss the fearful attachment style and how it show up within the context of friendship. Fearful Attachment in Friendship: Have you ever been told youContinue reading “Fearful Attachment in Friendships”

Avoidant Attachment in Friendship

There are four relationship attachment styles: Anxious, Avoidant, Fearful, and Secure In my last post, I wrote about anxious attachment in friendship. This week, I’ll discuss the avoidant attachment style and how it manifests within the context of friendship. Avoidant Attachment in Friendship: Have you ever been told you have “a wall up” been calledContinue reading “Avoidant Attachment in Friendship”

Anxious Attachment in Friendship

There are four relationship attachment styles: Anxious, Avoidant, Fearful, and Secure. Over the next few weeks, I am going to discuss the four different attachment styles, starting with Anxious attachment, and discuss how each attachment style manifests, specifically within the context of friendship. Anxious Attachment in Friendship: Have you ever been told that you areContinue reading “Anxious Attachment in Friendship”

Have You Connected With Someone Today?

I live in the San Francisco Bay Area, and as you may know, my hometown has been ordered to shelter-in-place until at least April 7. We’re the first in the country to do this. I’m not going to lie. This is a scary and uncertain time. Over the past week, I’ve observed (and experienced) intense fear, sadnessContinue reading “Have You Connected With Someone Today?”

“Sometimey” Friends

What are we to do about “sometimey” friends? I learned the term “sometimey friends” from my grandmother many years ago. The definition is pretty self-explanatory, but for the sake of this blog post: A sometimey friend is a friend who is…sometimes your friend and…sometimes not. A friend who sometimes wants to hang out and sometimesContinue reading ““Sometimey” Friends”

The Challenges of Adult Friendships

I do a lot of clinical work with middle school students. Friendship is a major component of life in middle school, and in both my clinical and personal experience, friendship at this stage of life is usually accompanied by a LOT of ups and downs. There are dramas, fights, hurt feelings, competition, mean-spirited rumors, cliques,Continue reading “The Challenges of Adult Friendships”

How Connected Are You, Really?

Years ago (circa 2010), I resisted buying a smart phone because I didn’t want to feel too “connected” to others. I didn’t want to see my emails as they arrived in my inbox all day long. I didn’t want to be able to browse Facebook while I rode the BART train. Having a cell phoneContinue reading “How Connected Are You, Really?”

Give Yourself Permission to Suck in 2020

There is a no rule that says you have to be perfect right out the gate, such as on the first day of school or work or trying a new exercise or project or undertaking. But sometimes our critics – both self-imposed and external – will tell us we don’t have the right to aContinue reading “Give Yourself Permission to Suck in 2020”