As a clinical psychologist who practices CBT, I’m focused on helping therapy clients explore the relationship between their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. I’ve written about some of these ideas and techniques in articles about automatic thoughts, distorted thinking, and how to use mindfulness and thought records to recognize and challenge unhelpful thoughts. In addition toContinue reading “Thanking Your Mind: An ACT Technique for Coping with Unhelpful Thoughts”
Tag Archives: mindfulness
Distress Tolerance Skills for Healthier Relationships
If you identify as a person with an insecure (i.e. anxious, avoidant, or fearful) attachment style and have decided to begin your healing journey, you’re going to encounter some challenging emotions. Change is never easy, even when it’s positive, and it’s normal to feel overwhelmed, defeated, or just plan uncomfortable as you heal your attachmentContinue reading “Distress Tolerance Skills for Healthier Relationships”
The people-pleaser’s guide to speaking up.
A lot of the clients I work with have been taught not to “rock the boat” in relationships, meaning they’ve received and currently implement some version(s) of the following instructions: Don’t rock the boat by setting boundaries, because people will think your’e selfish. Don’t rock the boat by asking for what you want, you’ll onlyContinue reading “The people-pleaser’s guide to speaking up.”
How to set & hold a boundary.
One of the most frequent issues that come up in my work with therapy clients is boundaries: How to recognize when boundaries are needed, how to set them, maintain them, not feel guilty for having them, and the list goes on! Boundaries are the limits and rules you set for yourself within relationships. In orderContinue reading “How to set & hold a boundary.”
4 tools for healing avoidant attachment
Imagine no longer panicking when people want to get closer or know you more intimately. If you have an avoidant attachment style, you are likely no stranger to the pain of feeling unfulfilled, isolated, and that no matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to please the people you care about. An insecureContinue reading “4 tools for healing avoidant attachment”
4 tools for healing anxious attachment
Imagine no longer chasing (or even wanting to chase) relationships with people who cannot love you in the ways you need. If you have an anxious attachment style, you are likely no stranger to the pain of unfulfilling, disappointing, drama-filled relationships. An insecure attachment style can predispose us to unhealthy relationship dynamics, but the goodContinue reading “4 tools for healing anxious attachment”
5 tips for becoming a better listener
“The art of listening is so lost,” a colleague once said to me. Sometimes we find it easier to talk than to listen, but listening is a skill that, when used effectively, can improve the experience of both the listener and and the listened-to. Below are five simple suggestions for better listening: Get clear onContinue reading “5 tips for becoming a better listener”
The Exploding Doormat: Coping With Anger from People-Pleasing
“Exploding doormat” is a term I originally learned from someone who was working the twelve steps in Al-Anon. It refers to an individual (i.e. “doormat”) who has habitually bent over backwards, placed their needs last, given into people-pleasing tendencies for far too long…and “exploded” (i.e. become openly enraged and/or acted out) as a result. ExplodingContinue reading “The Exploding Doormat: Coping With Anger from People-Pleasing”
Get a life! 19 things to do instead of staring at a screen
THE QUARANTINE EDITION! As a mental health clinician, I am a huge proponent of living a screen-limited life. Too much screen time has been linked to anxiety and depression in teens, and I can’t throw a rock without hitting someone who readily admits that they are addicted to their phones. Screens are not inherently bad,Continue reading “Get a life! 19 things to do instead of staring at a screen”
How Connected Are You, Really?
Years ago (circa 2010), I resisted buying a smart phone because I didn’t want to feel too “connected” to others. I didn’t want to see my emails as they arrived in my inbox all day long. I didn’t want to be able to browse Facebook while I rode the BART train. Having a cell phoneContinue reading “How Connected Are You, Really?”