Tag: healthy relationships
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You Can Care About a Dismissive Avoidant’s Pain…And Still Have Needs
Inspired by a post from @real_laurenmarie Related: Read my full article on Avoidant Attachment in Friendship here Many people who love someone with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style feel torn between empathy for the avoidant person’s history and loyalty to their own emotional needs. You may understand where the other person’s distancing comes from. You may…
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Healing After a Breakup with an Avoidant Partner: Reclaiming Yourself
Breaking up with an avoidant partner can leave you feeling confused, rejected, and emotionally raw. Often, avoidant partners create distance by shying (and in some cases, pushing!) away from emotional intimacy, leaving you wondering what went wrong and questioning your worth and lovability. While it might hurt now, healing from an avoidant partner is not…
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Distress Tolerance Skills for Healthier Relationships
If you identify as a person with an insecure (i.e. anxious, avoidant, or fearful) attachment style and have decided to begin your healing journey, you’re going to encounter some challenging emotions. Change is never easy, even when it’s positive, and it’s normal to feel overwhelmed, defeated, or just plan uncomfortable as you heal your attachment…
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The people-pleaser’s guide to speaking up.
A lot of the clients I work with have been taught not to “rock the boat” in relationships, meaning they’ve received and currently implement some version(s) of the following instructions: Don’t rock the boat by setting boundaries, because people will think your’e selfish. Don’t rock the boat by asking for what you want, you’ll only…
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How to set & hold a boundary.
One of the most frequent issues that come up in my work with therapy clients is boundaries: How to recognize when boundaries are needed, how to set them, maintain them, not feel guilty for having them, and the list goes on! Boundaries are the limits and rules you set for yourself within relationships. In order…
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4 tools for healing avoidant attachment
Imagine no longer panicking when people want to get closer or know you more intimately. If you have an avoidant attachment style, you are likely no stranger to the pain of feeling unfulfilled, isolated, and that no matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to please the people you care about. An insecure…
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4 tools for healing anxious attachment
Imagine no longer chasing (or even wanting to chase) relationships with people who cannot love you in the ways you need. If you have an anxious attachment style, you are likely no stranger to the pain of unfulfilling, disappointing, drama-filled relationships. An insecure attachment style can predispose us to unhealthy relationship dynamics, but the good…
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The Exploding Doormat: Coping With Anger from People-Pleasing
“Exploding doormat” is a term I originally learned from someone who was working the twelve steps in Al-Anon. It refers to an individual (i.e. “doormat”) who has habitually bent over backwards, placed their needs last, given into people-pleasing tendencies for far too long…and “exploded” (i.e. become openly enraged and/or acted out) as a result. Exploding…
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By virtue of being alive.
This is a concept that comes up for a lot of the clients I work with who were programmed, taught, or otherwise given the message that they were somehow not enough: You have value and worth…by virtue of being alive. What does this mean? It means you do not have to earn your place on…
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You Can Choose Your Friends (Yes, Really!)
When determining whether to pursue a romantic relationship, people often tend towards vigilance, looking out for signs of “red flags,” “settling” and indicators of incompatibility or “deal breakers.” When it comes to friendship, however, many of us take a much more relaxed approach. We know it’s important to choose our friends wisely. My grandmother always…